Poems About Being Indian in America
This is a collection of poems written in 2018, chronicling my experience as an Indian-American woman.
October 31st is part of this collection and was previously published here.
The Color of My Skin is Brown
My skin has never been white as snow
My eyes are not deep pools of crisp blue
My hair is not the color of golden honey
No, my skin is brown
My eyes are brown
Even my hair, yes this too is brown
My tongue
Voice
Hands
Toes
Heart
Mind
Soul
Is brown
I am brown and I am proud
But I am American and I am proud
I am red white and blue
I am green kesar and white
I am salt and pepper
I am cardamom and spice
I am JT, Bruno and Nelly
I am Jagjit, Sonu and Lata
I am t-shirt and jeans
I am salwar kameez
There is half of me standing here
Half of me standing there
But I am always whole
I am always whole
The color of my skin is brown
But I bleed red white and blue just like you
Taboo
It is taboo to be different
If the other girls
Wear Uggs and Northface
Wear Patagonia and bangs
Sperries and chacos
Then I will too
Because
It is taboo to be different
If the other girls are white
But like to be tan
Then I will be too
I’ll sit outside and bake
And feel my skin get darker and darker
The same skin that
Had me stand out
So sharply in all our school photos
The same skin that now needs to be darker
Because
The other girls want it that way
Because
It is taboo to be different
If the other girls listen to One Direction
And Justin Bieber
And Selena and Katy Perry
Then I will too.
Even though they were awful
Like screeching cats
Overplayed
But no one likes sitar music, Riya
No one cares about Jagjit
Don’t be weird
Because
It is taboo to be different.
One day
I took a risk
I bought 4 million dollars in stocks
I dove off a cliff without a parachute
I didn’t put antiseptic on a scrape
I wore
A kurti to school.
It was the day of Diwali
I was mad that I had to go to school
I missed my brother who
Was at college
My father was in India
It was just me and my mom
And I had to go to school.
So I wore a kurti.
It was long, past my knees,
It was bright, red and blue
It had tiny mirrors
It smelled like home.
I had on a parka, and
When I walked through the doors
I felt small
Scared
Why did I do this?
I should have brought a change of clothes.
People walked by with headphones
Barely noticing me
But I felt like the world’s eyes were on me
And only me
And they were angry
Because
I know it is taboo to be different.
My head down
I walked to my locker
Dreading the moment I’d walk into class
I stripped my jacket
My protective shell
My armored cave
My heavy veil
I walked down the hall
Arms crossed over my stomach
Shoulders drooped low
I walked by the crowds gathered
Outside homeroom
Chatting
Rapid fire English
Did anyone know it was
Diwali? No
They didn’t care
It is taboo to be different.
I passed underneath the open doorway
Into first hour math
With Mrs. Prentis
Asian, accented, a kind soul
I dropped my backpack
Into my seat
My friend J
Yelling across the room
SLAYYYY RIYA
Huh?
Heads turn to me
Nod approvingly
Turn away
J asking me about my outfit
Whats it called
Why today
Is there something special
Its so beautiful
Cool
Walked away
No one really
Cares? What I wear?
They think its cool
Go you
Tell us about being Indian
Dance in our cultural show
Share your music with us
Share your food with us
Oh! We love biryani
I want a sari too.
Is it so taboo to be different?
Validation
This morning
PNC Bank wished me a
Happy Diwali
On a tiny monitor
With sparklers
Diyas
My brown people
Wearing brown clothes
Is this validation?
My grandfather told
He was proud of me.
When I got my maize and blue letter
Told me he expects nothing
Less of the women
In his family.
Is this validation?
Husbands celebrate Karva Chauth
With their wives
Families celebrate Karva Chauth
At all.
Validation?
I played garba alongside
3 white women
dressed in my clothes
my greens
and reds and
golds
Validation?
Water with my name on it
Spilled over a silver rim
Toward the moon
On Ahoy Ashtami.
Validation?
A Bollywood movie played
On the big screen
Flashing colors
Burlesque music
Cheezy puns
Hindi
But they didn’t laugh
They cried, like they were meant to
Validation?
My 25-year-old cousin
Turned 26
27
and now she drinks when
We’re together
Even when the boys are there
She doesn’t get dirty looks
She doesn’t get yelled at
She doesn’t bring dishonor to
The family
Just like the boys
Validation?
I haven’t been asked
Where are you from from
From
From
In a long time.
Validation?
I see more brown X’s
Than Y’s in my
EECS 183 class
Validation?
My white friends watched me dance
To dhols and bajes
And they said it was beautiful
They said it was cool
Validation?
Drop by drop
Step over step
One by one
Day by day
I feel the validation
I sought.
I feel my roots stretching
To fill the space hidden,
Left open,
In between my white bones
And brown skin.
I feel the color in my cheeks
Rushing to fill in the rest of my face,
The rest of my neck to my arms, toes.
Is that what it takes?
To feel as brown as I am,
As white as I should be
To feel as not inferior?
Is that what it takes for
Validation?